Moments

I have moments all the time. I know the word "moment" means something similar to "minute." But to me it's more than that. I don't have another word to describe what I mean, so I'm going to continue calling it a "moment."

I have moments all the time. Do you know what I mean?

Moments when you look at where you are and think "This is what I've always wanted."

I have these kinds of moments when I'm walking from one room to another in my apartment and remember being a little girl pretending to live in a college apartment with her best friend. That's my reality now. And sometimes it still feels like I'm that little girl playing pretend.

I have these kinds of moment when I walk into my school and one of my students gives me a big hug. Being a teacher has always been my dream. Always. And now I'm so close I can touch it. It's scary and nostalgic and exhilarating.

Moments when you think, "How could I ever be this lucky?"

I have these moments when I'm with my friends or family. When everyone is happy and laughing and I take a second to look around and watch their faces and listen to what they have to say. My heart feels like it's about to explode from happiness and I can't help but smile.

I have these moments where I'm curled up in bed after a long, happy day and my kitty curls up next to me and falls asleep.

Moments when my heart aches for the future.

These come on all the time. I could catch a glimpse of my friend's engagement ring. Or read a blog about a new baby. Even just being in my own head for too long can leave me with big ol' heart pains. I think, "I could do it so well! I could be such a good wife, such a good mother." But I know that every second I am forced to wait for those things, I am becoming a more understanding and loving wife, and a more compassionate and patient mother.


My moments are mostly good. Sometimes they make me want to cry. Mostly they just make me thankful for where I am, who I am, and who I have.

Sunday Social

Hi there! Look whose blogging!

I know it's been forever. I keep telling myself to blog but in all honesty, there's better things I should be doing in my free time. That sounds bad, but it's true. I'm student teaching this semester and writing lesson plans and doing homework should be at the top of the list (and usually is). And although I really do want to write a post all about my experience in teaching so far, today I wanted to post a quick blog.

My friend Kara introduced me through her blog to the Sunday Social blog hop that Ashley hosts. It's a super cute and quick weekly 6 questions. So, without further adieu, here are my answers!

1. If you were stuck on an island what are the two material items you'd want to have?
A journal (or more depending on how long I'd be there) and my ukulele!

If you can't tell I'm in a peace and quiet alone time kind of mood :)

2. What are the two TV shows you'd watch over and over?
 How I Met Your Mother for sure! I love that show so much! But who doesn't? And I don't know about the second one. Maybe Arrested Development or something silly like Teen Mom.

3. If your house was on fire, what are the two things you'd grab other than family, pets, etc?
I have a box full of special things. I'd definitely grab that. And probably something material like my computer or something.

4. What are your two favorite articles of clothing?
My mustard cardigan from Urban Outfitters that I wear way too often. I think I've gone two weeks without wearing it and I'm so proud of myself! I'd wear it everyday if I could.

And my olive rockstar jeans from Old Navy!

5. What two movies that you saw in the past year would you recommend to us?
Hmmm. I looove movies. I want to say Tangled but I'm pretty sure it's been more than a year on that one. Let's go with Pitch Perfect since that's the hot movie right now. And it's hilarious and wonderful. And The Perks of Being a Wallflower was absolutely amazing!

6. What are your two guilty pleasures?
I always have a hard time defining "guilty pleasures." Does "Putting pajamas on within the first five minutes of walking into my apartment" count? Buying fresh flowers every so often? Tuesday night TV? Making fruit snack part of my weekly shopping list? I really don't know.

Well, thanks for sticking around for that! I'm sorry there's not pictures or anything, I really do have to get back to work ;) I promise I'll post about Student Teaching and all that soon!

Sandy Hook

1:50pm, December 14, 2012: "Hey--I can't remember where you're from in CT, but if you know anyone from Newton, I hope they're safe."

Right away, I knew there was another shooting.

My heart stopped and I held my breath as I tried to think of where Newton was on the Connecticut map. My voice shook as I called to my mom- "Do we know anyone from Newton?"

I hadn't heard the news yet. Hadn't been on any social networks or turned on the TV. We were busy celebrating with our friend the day before her wedding. I was able to breath again when my mom said that no, we didn't know anyone from Newton. I texted my friend back and asked her what happened. My mind could not have fathomed what she would soon reply.

A shooting. At an elementary school. 18 children (so far) and 6 adults dead.

As a future teacher, I know the importance of being okay for your students. A few weeks ago at the school I'm student teaching at, a student had a seizure. I was so scared, but I had to put on a happy face for my students so they weren't scared. I had to tell these 60+ students that everything was okay, distract them, and make sure they were safe while the other teachers took care of the student having a seizure.

Now multiply that times a million.

This morning as I was reading about everything, I read accounts of teachers playing games with their students as they hid in corners, trying to lighten to mood. Can you imagine? Games. As these adults are fearing for not only these children, but their own lives, they're playing games in order to keep the mood light and help the children from panicking. Other teachers smiled and told the children to pray as they locked them in closets, bathrooms, cabinets, anywhere to keep them safe. They put their 20+ students' lives ahead of their own.

They're heroes. Absolutely heroes.

Connecticut has always been a place of safety to me. It's where I grew up. It's where I, as an innocent child, would walk around my neighborhood without a fear in the world. We didn't even lock our doors most of the time we went out! I read one article that called it, "The Safest Place in America."

I remember when the shooting in the movie theater in Colorado happened, everyone would say, "No where is safe anymore." But an Elementary School? What is the world coming to?

My heart goes out to every family affected by yesterday's events. Every child who had to hear the gunshots and the screams, the neighbors who heard the sirens, the families who didn't know if their child was safe or not.

And to every mother and father who has one less child to hold tonight. It shouldn't have to happen like this. You should not have to outlive your own child. There are no reasons, no words that can make this any easier. You are in my prayers. May God bring you peace.

That One Time I Wrote a Poem?

It's 12:05pm and I'm still in my pajamas. The most productive thing I've done today was take off my sheets in attempt to put clean ones on...that happened about an hour ago and I'm currently sitting on a bare mattress. It's fine.

For some reason, I decided to get out all of my old journals and look through them. This is one of my favorite things to do. I have one journal in particular that I started around this time last year and ended on the first of August. It's my favorite. It's filled with the most dramatic, funny, silly, random things.

On June 26, 2012, I was feeling extra melodramatic... one of those days when your feelings get the best of you. I wrote this "poem" (I guess that's what it what be called) not thinking anyone would ever ever see it. But 6 months later, I'm sharing it with the entire internet because I love it. It's not especially well written or inspirational, but it's so real.

Don't want to be tied down.

Want to love.

I have my whole life to marriage!

I want to start now.

My expectations are too high.

He's got to be out there somewhere.

Be patient.

Get out there!

Be yourself.

Be better.

Love yourself.

Fix yourself.

Trust God.

Play God.

Want, desire.

Need, can't live without.

On My Mind

The other day, a close friend of mine told me that I'm "the best Christian she knows."

This was hard to swallow.

In one aspect, I wanted to jump for joy and give her a hug. Someone thinks I'm a good Christian! How's that for a compliment?!

But on the other side, am I? I sin daily, I make mistakes, I don't pray or journal or worship half as often as I should, I judge others and I hurt those who mean the most to me, I forget to tithe, and let's not even get started on my thoughts.

The friend who told me this is not a Christian. In the context of her comment, she had said something and asked me if I minded that she said that, (in "Christian Terms," she had used the Lord's name in vain). I simply told her that I didn't say that, but if she chose to, that was her decision.

You see, when it comes to my beliefs, I can only make decisions for myself. I actually have very strong opinions, but I only hold myself accountable for them. I try not to judge others for the decisions that they make, and hope I don't get judged for mine in return. That's the simplest I can put it.

I believe as Christians it's our job to love. Not "I love you, but..." Just love. We may not have the same beliefs, but I love you anyway. If you have a question, ask me. I will answer in the best way I can. I won't change my beliefs to fit your mold and I won't expect you to change yours.
But I will do my best to show the love of Jesus through my words and actions and hope that people will see something different in me. I pray that the Lord uses me to show people that He has a bigger plan for them. But when it all comes down to it, I pray that I love people to the best of my ability every day. Whether or not the world sees me as "a good Christian."